We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
