maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
