Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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