I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
