I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
areolas are like halos for boobs.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
