I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
soo... how was my night?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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