Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
