Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
