Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I need moral support for this bender
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
