i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
