I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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