i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
