I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
