Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
