I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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