please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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