Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
She made me pour olive oil on her.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
