she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
