He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize