we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
