Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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