i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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