Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
