I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize