make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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