I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
two words: eviction party
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
