can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize