Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
