Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
