Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
