I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
