Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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