in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize