Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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