did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
