I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
