So drunk its hurt
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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