We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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