They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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