did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
