That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
