Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
don't judge my taste in strippers
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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