I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
