it's like iHOP with fire
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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