I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
