drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
