My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
