Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
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