is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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