It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
