Heybabeimwearingurpanties
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
