Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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