You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
