Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I have already put on my inside pants.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
