Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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