i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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