Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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