in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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