break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
