piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
