hotel room ftw
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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