You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
